Volcanic Eruption in Didcot

There has been a volcanic eruption in Didcot. At 03.13 last night local residents reported that molten lava was pouring from the ground between Tescos and the GWR railway shed. By dawn a huge new volcano could be seen, with a plume of gas and ash rising hunderds of metres into the air. The volcanic ash cloud was visible from the sleepy village of Cuddesdon, nearly 15 miles away:

British airspace has been closed and all domestic and international flights have been cancelled. All trans-Saharan migrants have been diverted to the nearest coastal Bird Observatory. Scientists are predicting that the prevailing winds will bring the ash cloud towards the Cuddesdon area and that this could have a serious detrimental effect on birdlife in the area. One scientist claimed: "This ash cloud is seriously bad news for the birds of Cuddesdon. It could be like some form of ornitholigical sterilisation." Local birder Tom, who has wasted literally thousands of hours of his life looking for birds around Cuddeson said: "Do you think I'll notice the difference?". Todays other news: 2 Bullfinch, 2 Chiffchaff, 2 Corn Bunting. Is there no God?