Badgers blamed for poor solar eclipse

Local farmers in the Cuddesdon area were quick to blame badgers for the poor solar eclipse showing this morning. Ivor Tractor said: "They've gone too far this time. Badgers are everywhere. We've seen the problems they caused with joyriding in Blackbird Leys and with drugs in Wheatley. I was in town on New Years Eve and they were everywhere, out of their heads, kicking six bells out of each other. Something has to be done". 

Dawn today: no visible eclipse. Time to kill the badgers?

Another local farmer, Ivor Combine, said  "Evidence the world over shows that taking matters into your own hands with a gun and a canister of cyanide always pays dividends".  He added, "The only thing better than the above approach is a Government and NUF approved national badger cull that involes thousands of men taking matters into their own hands with guns and canisters of cyanide". The cull is due to start this year.

    However, when it was pointed out that all the scientific evidence indicated that a badger cull will not reduce bovine TB transmission, a third farmer, Ivor SixtyGrandLandroverAndTwoKidsAtPrivateSchool, commented:  "How can killing badgers not help? I go out and murder a couple everytime the wife gets 'flu - it works a treat, she's 64 now". He added, "Honestly, these scientists - they can't handle 5 pints and I bet half of them are still virgins".