Thursday, 5 July 2012

LIBOR scandal is due to Sparrowhawks... claim Songbird Survival

Songbird Survival, the organisation that has absolutely no links to the bird shooting industry whatsoever, has shocked the world by claiming that the ongoing LIBOR scandal is caused by excessive Sparrowhawk numbers. Furthermore, they reveal that outgoing Barclays CEO Bob Diamond is actually of the genus accipiter himself and therefore must be shot with a gun. 

Spokesperson Mr Ivor HardoneverytimeIgetaraptorinmygunsights, said: "Everybody knows that excessive raptor numbers have decimated our songbird population, even though we have repetitively failed to provide evidence for this. What people don't know is that these evil raptors have also corrupted our once proud banking sector. I was suspicious of Bob Diamond as soon as I heard his accent. He spoke in a sort of 'flap, flap...glide', he was definitely a hawk. I only noticed the blood stained beak and piercing eyes afterwards. Apparently he also has a brother in Africa called Dark Chanting, and a cousin in the Middle East called Levant. What more proof do you need? Now where's my bloody gun?!"

The wise thoughts and words of Songbird Survival have also been published in the July/August edition of the Cuddesdon and Denton newsletter. Local resident Mrs I Havetoreadthisshite said: "Songbird Survival is a strange name for an organisation that wants to kill all birds of prey, as apparently weak anecdotal evidence shows that they may be threat to a few of the 25 million Pheasants and Partridges that are released into the wild every year for the shooting industry to kill. A practice that would be illegal if proposed today. Wouldn't 'Pheasant & Partridge Survival and The Bottom Line for The Shooting Industry' be a more honest title?"
Mr Ivor Sprawk noted: "Songbird Survival claim that raptor numbers have become excessive since the 1950s and 1960s when the farming community kindly killed off all the raptors with DDT pesticide use. Now raptor numbers are getting back to normal, but insect, butterfly, moth and bat populations are all falling. Not to mention Bees. Are Sparrowhawks responsible for everything? How can they fly if they eat all of the above? Don't you think habitat loss and modern farming methods may just have contributed a tiny bit?"

Local birder Tom, added: "This is bloody madness. Is it just me, or is it not blindingly obvious that top predator numbers depend on having a good prey base. If prey numbers fall then so will raptor numbers, it is called a natural balance. Whatever next, a national Badger cull in the face of all scientific evidence? A proposed cull of Buzzards based on nothing but anecdotal evidence that they threaten Pheasant chicks? Anybody would think that the country was run by public school idiots with a vested minority interest in hunting and shooting, who think it is acceptable to pervert environmental policies to protect their own interests. Oh, hang on.... "


  1. I must say that such over the top cynisism is starting to usurp my credability as the bolshie Welsh Man. It must stop....
    Better still; perhaps I will just sit down here and quietly applaud someone else telling it like it is and ask who else will be next to put their head above the parapet and speak the truth. We need of millions of good people to defeat the despicable, arrogant thousands who have taken over the asylum with their lies, falsehoods and unbelievably grotesque depths of self-interest they have sunk into, that so threatens a collective harmonious future for our society. What was it Churchill said about keeping quiet ?
    I still feel scared...

  2. Take care bolshie ranters as those that would harm your righteous endeavours will be cherry picking your comments to misconstrue the truth at a later more crucial stage of this ongoing battle to protect our wild bird life. Churchhill also spoke of "jaw jaw is always better than war war" unfortunately this fight is being forced on us and it looks like more of us will need to show ourselves the dangerous side of the parapet.

  3. Thanks for very nice and informative articles.