Songbird Survival, the organisation that has absolutely no links to the bird shooting industry whatsoever, has shocked the world by claiming that the ongoing LIBOR scandal is caused by excessive Sparrowhawk numbers. Furthermore, they reveal that outgoing Barclays CEO Bob Diamond is actually of the genus accipiter himself and therefore must be shot with a gun.
Spokesperson Mr Ivor HardoneverytimeIgetaraptorinmygunsights, said: "Everybody knows that excessive raptor numbers have decimated our songbird population, even though we have repetitively failed to provide evidence for this. What people don't know is that these evil raptors have also corrupted our once proud banking sector. I was suspicious of Bob Diamond as soon as I heard his accent. He spoke in a sort of 'flap, flap...glide', he was definitely a hawk. I only noticed the blood stained beak and piercing eyes afterwards. Apparently he also has a brother in Africa called Dark Chanting, and a cousin in the Middle East called Levant. What more proof do you need? Now where's my bloody gun?!"
The wise thoughts and words of Songbird Survival have also been published in the July/August edition of the Cuddesdon and Denton newsletter. Local resident Mrs I Havetoreadthisshite said: "Songbird Survival is a strange name for an organisation that wants to kill all birds of prey, as apparently weak anecdotal evidence shows that they may be threat to a few of the 25 million Pheasants and Partridges that are released into the wild every year for the shooting industry to kill. A practice that would be illegal if proposed today. Wouldn't 'Pheasant & Partridge Survival and The Bottom Line for The Shooting Industry' be a more honest title?"
Mr Ivor Sprawk noted: "Songbird Survival claim that raptor numbers have become excessive since the 1950s and 1960s when the farming community kindly killed off all the raptors with DDT pesticide use. Now raptor numbers are getting back to normal, but insect, butterfly, moth and bat populations are all falling. Not to mention Bees. Are Sparrowhawks responsible for everything? How can they fly if they eat all of the above? Don't you think habitat loss and modern farming methods may just have contributed a tiny bit?"
Local birder Tom, added: "This is bloody madness. Is it just me, or is it not blindingly obvious that top predator numbers depend on having a good prey base. If prey numbers fall then so will raptor numbers, it is called a natural balance. Whatever next, a national Badger cull in the face of all scientific evidence? A proposed cull of Buzzards based on nothing but anecdotal evidence that they threaten Pheasant chicks? Anybody would think that the country was run by public school idiots with a vested minority interest in hunting and shooting, who think it is acceptable to pervert environmental policies to protect their own interests. Oh, hang on.... "